Deep inside every household lurks an unseen terror preparing to unleash its destructive power upon the online world. A force so sinister it waits for the perfect moment to strike, cunningly tricking its victims into a false sense of security over a period of many years. Then, just when the moment is right – it attacks.

Ladies and gentlemen of the online MMO/Forum scene – I present to you the most evil of all evils among the internet:

The Little Brother.

Notice the wide, gleaming grin, the tilted hat (representing anti-lawful behavior), and the outright absence of a nose – all common signs that your little brother might be preparing to steal your online characters.

Here in Phantasy Star Universe, we at the support section deal with a lot of problematic players. Thieves, liars, scammers, phishers – the list goes on. When confronted, however, many of these obviously honest and angelic at heart users are quick to inform us that, in fact, it was not their fault that such words were said or that said items were stolen – nothing could be further from the truth! It was, they tell us as they plead for forgiveness: their little brother.

Don’t be too surprised – this is hardly a new occurrence. In fact, little brothers have apparently been plaguing the worlds of online communities since the birth of the internet – and causing trouble in real life far before that. Item thievery, character deletion, expletives of such magnitude that said little brother’s Grandma would probably disown him for; here in the world of MMOs and Message Boards, little brothers channel all that is evil into decimating the reputation of those players who would otherwise be normal, law-abiding, and perfectly respectable denizens of the online world. Worst of all, they can apparently do it without the original account owner ever having known it happened.

I have a little brother, so it must be admitted that I have seen the amazing potential for evil that exists deep within the souls of those second-born – or further – children, and as much as I don’t doubt that enough years of pent up anger stemming solely from not being born first could obviously drive a person to hijack someone’s online accounts, I do have to stop sometimes and wonder – how is it that simple order of birth could create such malice – and more specifically, in the online world?

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An example of a little brother’s actions in PSU.

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The answers here may never be clear, but after much deliberation I decided to do some research on the topic. I took a look through all the recent cases of little brothers scamming, harassing players, etc, and ironed out what I believe to be the three main points that best sum up what happens when a little brother hijacks an online game account:

1: Scam? N-no! I didn’t do it, I wasn’t even here! It must have been my little brother!

2: You wouldn’t ban me for something my little brother did, right? I mean, it wasn’t even me!

One week later, after the behavior happens again and action is taken:

3:SEGA I HATE U WHY DID U BAN ME U CAN GO TO(Insert long list of capital letter cursing, grammar/syntax genocide, and personal attacks here.)

Obviously, the little brother must have also hijacked the player’s help.sega.com account,as the expletives and gratuitous cursing in the third part are often curiously similar to the language the player was reported for originally…

So be wary, be warned, and be watchful – that innocent little brother of yours, smiling blissfully as you play, is likely just waiting for the right moment to hop onto your PSU account and commit deeds you wouldn’t even think him capable of.

(In fact, and in all honesty, the truth is: he’s not actually capable of them at all.)

Disclaimer: Before hate mail arrives from little brothers worldwide, a reminder that this is (mostly) satire and that I think little brothers are awesome – including my own (Hi, bro!) …Besides, someone has to play Tails, right?